The Secret World of Arrietty…not a crazy Japanese porno

Posted on March 7, 2012

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Like Clay Aiken once ruminated, “If I was invisible, and I could just watch you in your room…” I too, assuming Mr. Aiken wasn’t crooning about his unreachable ambitions of spying and eventually raping women as an invisible being, regularly find myself desiring, if only momentarily, to be afforded the opportunity to watch others without being seen. How wondrous it would be to “people watch” all day long without fear of consequence. The things I would see. As a little person, free of the colossal ass syndrome and sausage fingeritis, Arietty lives with the gift others so often wish for.

In Studio Ghibli’s latest animated endeavor, The Secret World of Arrietty, adapted from the Mary Norton classic The Borrowers, little person/borrower Arrietty, along with her mother and father, reside just beneath the floors of a grossly deranged geriatric. There the miniature family collects various items from around the house and yard to sustain their ultimately meager existence. They remain hidden and the whack-a-doo woman remains crazed but harmless. That is until a young boy with a weak heart named Shawn (very Japanese) is pawned off on the old woman in hopes of further avoiding the icy grip of natural selection.

On her first borrowing (aka theft), Arrietty follows her daring father into a realm often avoided by those of short stature…the kitchen. What would be a bland three step journey for any human is an exhausting and dangerous adventure for a borrower.

Human: Boy, I sure could go for a sugar cube right now…step, step, step…mmm, that sugar cube was a delicious.

Borrower: Family, we need sugar. (NO!! We can’t risk losing you again!) But if we don’t get sugar our food will remain forever bland!! (It’s not worth your life!!) No, but it’s worth your happiness. (I love you.)…the borrower begins the hour long hike up the walls, avoiding treacherous insects and deadly rodents, eventually reaching the kitchen counter…Damn, the sugar is on the opposite side of the kitchen. It’s dangerous, but I must do it…for my family…the borrower uses a makeshift grappling hook to lower himself to the ground. He remains quiet so as not to alert the gargantuan monster patrolling the area, with feet the size of boulders adorned with razor sharp claws, rows of teeth that could bite through bone like a stone through water, and eyes whose glare could freeze any borrower in their tracks (aka a cat). He sprints to the other side of the kitchen and scales the mountainous counter. Finally, I’ve reached the sugar….the borrower lifts the lid to the giant sugar dish. It’s half his size, but he manages it without incident. Running out of time, he grabs the first cube he sees, puts the prize, which is roughly a quarter of his weight, in his knapsack and smiles at his successful borrowing…Excellent. Now just a trip to the spare bedroom for a piece of tissue paper and I’m home free.

At first, Arrietty performs admirably. She keeps pace with her father and even finds a push pin that proves adequate as a weapon. All is going swimmingly until Arrietty gets too comfortable; she lets her guard down for only a moment and finds herself face to face with the sickly human occupying the once vacant spare bedroom…As always, watch the film to find out what happens.

Unlike most of my peers, I have always been fascinated with the imaginative world of animation. There are so many options that become available to a filmmaker using animation that would have otherwise been unthinkable. Take hentai, for example. How many live action pornos feature chicks getting railed in the fifth dimension by twenty space aliens with vibrating tentacles…not many, I imagine. That’s the kind of magic animation affords those in the film industry, and that magic was not lost on The Secret World of Arrietty. Even though you probably despise animated films, because you’re, in not so many words, a cunt, push aside your unfounded reservations and go see this film…unless you like being a cunt. Do you?

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